Yorkshireman, Ken Mither, 64, of Cleckhuddersfax, today stunned work colleagues by flatly refusing to join them in a lunchbreak KFC takeaway. It seems it's traditional for the team, that when they're working the late shift (2-10pm) of a Friday, one of the team members takes orders for a local takeaway, and the team tucks into a six pm lunchbreak feast.
But Ken Mither was having none of it.
Baffled team members made multiple requests for Mither to join in the repast, but he flatly refused, insisting that on this occasion, he'd 'make do' with his stash of cheese and onion sandwiches.
"It's a shame," said co-worker, Bob Pastie. "I thought he'd enjoy some fried chicken with fries, or one of them spicy Zinger burgers, or summat like that, burree wouldn't have it at no price. He can be a right rum bugger can Ken, though, when he's a mind."
All didn't go well for the proposed feast from the off, with Ken Mither's refusal to partake compounded by a lengthy queue at the KFC outlet, resulting in the team having only five minutes of their lunchbreak remaining, by the time the food arrived. Designated gofer, Mickey Chadwick explains:
"It weren't my fault. They might not say owt, burra knows they blames me. Admittedly, I did pop into Tesco's on't way to pick up a tin o' food for't cat, burra never realised there'd be a bloody great queue at KFC outlet. I were waitin' fo' yonks, I were."
Not a resounding success then, but the team remained curious as to why Ken Mither refused to join them.
"I'll tell thee why," Ken Mither grumbled. "It weren't reet. They can use all their bloody fancy KFC logos and all that, but when tha gets reet dahn ter it - it's chicken and chips. It's nowt else! Nah then - tha can't have chicken and chips abaht bloody gravy! If tha's 'avin chips tha's got to 'ave gravy! Owt else is just bloody wrong! It's a buggerin' sin and a shame to 'ave chips baht gravy. I'll norrav that bloody McDonald's or that Burger King stuff either! I'll norravit ah tell thee! They all do chips - BUT THEY DON'T DO'T BLOODY GRAVY WI' IT! It's got nowt to do wi't team - I'll join in if they're goin' ter't chippy, coz they do gravy, an' mushy peas, and curry sauce, but mainly GRAVY. I'll even 'ave a kebab at yon Ali Bullo's place - coz at least they do chilli sauce, and garlic sauce, and I'll 'old me 'ands up - kebabs'd be a bit shite wi' gravy on 'em. But chicken and chips baht gravy? That's a bloody travesty is that. Oh, and another thing - Mickey Chadwick didn't get back 'til twenty five past, and we has ter start work again at aff past. Should tell thee summat, that. Fast food my arse!"
In a late breaking further development, Ken Mither is reportedly considering a campaign against chips served without gravy on the internet. Apparently he has a cyber-friend named Martin Shuttlecock who knows how to post rants on YouTube. Mither reckons that with Shuttlecock's expertise in the field (Although he failed to mention which field, exactly.) his proposed NO GRAVY! - WHAT'S THAT ALL ABAHT! campaign may soon be rushed into production.
And will undoubtedly go viral.
Possibly...catching THE GRAVY TRAIN.
More as we get it.