Written by Backandtotheleft
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Monday, 30 January 2012

image for Simon Says...Stop Stalking!
crying

Today a victory was scored for the battered and weary titan that is British justice. Due to the increase of people been sniffed on the bus by strangers, stalking will be now be classified as a crime.

The news excited P. Tom of the probation union so much he could barely conceal his raging erection. He said "This is good because stalking, like cannabis, is a gateway crime. As we all know stalking leads to murder, murder leads to jail, jail leads to appeal, appeal leads to acquittal and acquittal leads to massive taxpayer funded compensation package for infringing their human rights".

Another victor in the case is the National Union Of Bush Cleaners (who shouldn't be confused with the American union of the same name which works within the porn industry). Their spokesman B. Busybody said "This is a victory for the average working man's bush cleaner. No longer will our employees have to toil in fear when they clear out a bush located under a 17 year old cheerleaders bedroom. Too many good men have quit their jobs because of finding copies of the Sunday Sun that have been used to clean up after a vigorous night of "stalking"".

A landmark case has brought us a landmark ruling that could change the landscape of this country (not literally but metaphorically) forever. Stalking has been a problem since the second world war when crafty German bombers began "stalking" our sexy Lancaster's home. How else do you think they found London? Hopefully we've put this ugly issue to bed.

If You or a member of your family have been affected by any of the issues raised in this story please call 0900 7786995 and speak to our trained operators.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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