Written by cheesedish
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Topics: Scientists, Europe

Sunday, 19 February 2006

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Avian humour scientists were claiming last night that recent outbreaks of the deadly avian humour virus could spell the end of comedy throughout Western Europe and the US if not dealt with immediately by the authorities.

Despite reports of the virus being transmitted by people making a woody woodpecker like noise in an attempt to sound funny, it was thought until now that the virus could not be passed from cartoon birds to humans in its present form, although rumours in the last few decades of the previous century of people making woody woodpecker sound impersonations along with attempts to tell chicken hawks that they had the wrong idea had been dismissed until recently by leading bird humour analysts.

However, recent research has shown that was not the case. Tests carried out by the Avian Humour Research Centre have revealed that the spread of the disease was gradually halted after it was realised that an irritating sound made by a bird who pecked at trees for a living and a fat chicken with no idea no longer posed a threat to the general public's sense of humour.

Although sporadic outbreaks of the avian humour virus have occurred since, most notably the "Birdy Song " outbreak that was reported in Great Britain some two decades ago, no outbreaks of large-scale unfunny-feathered frivolity have been reported since.

Despite being reminded about Music Hall comedian Bernie Clifton pretending to be an ostrich, a spokesman from the Avian Humour Research Centre managed to remain straight faced while being questioned about Rod Hull's demise from a rooftop while attempting to retrieve an egg from an emus nest " These epidemics tend to occur every few decades or so" he told our reporter while chomping noisily on a chicken leg "It depends on whether the bird is famous or not" He went on to add " Many people have started to panic recently after reports that humourless birds who have yet to be inoculated against the deadly avian humour virus might be attempting to migrate to climates where people might find them funny" But, he added cautiously, " A bird humour pandemic would require many factors to come into play before it became a reality ".
When asked to elaborate on his theory he went on to add, " Back in the 1940's everyone thought that Donald Duck was just an innocent character with a silly voice who made children laugh. A few years later Road Runner was running along roads and making "beep beep" noises while making the coyote look stupid after a big ten ton weight dropped on his head…All I'm saying is that if that birdy song gets released again it's panic stations….

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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