Edinburgh - Police are probing reports that some very fishy-sounding people have taken over the Scottish government and are preparing to open the country's first embassy in a souped-up former aquarium at London Bridge.
Fishmongers Hall is the SNP cabinet's preferred venue of choice amid claims that Robert the Bruce once had a whale of a time there cockling in the dubious company of London fishwives from nearby Billingsgate.
Today the Hall is in the ownership of a Worshipful livery company opposed to feckless Scottish turncoats' independence proposals.
Police sources indicate that suspicions focus on some pretty fishy-sounding names in the SNP cabinet headed by Alex Salmond and deputy Nicola Sturgeon.
Other fishy oddballs on the government front bench team include Shona 'Trout-Pout' Robison (Commonwealth Fly Phishing), Matthew Matheson Mullet (Minister for Fishwives and Dodgy Haircuts), John 'The Barracuda' Swinney (Secretary of State for Loan Sharks) and Fergus 'Squid-Face' Ewing (Loch Ness Affairs).
Michael Fish is 69.