Written by shufflewick71
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Topics: Olympics

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

image for Site readiness cock up means shock Olympics venue change to Butlins Clacton
The British bobsleigh team try out their newly constructed bobsleigh, made in the 2-5's creche at Butlins

Stunning news reaches us that due to unforeseen circumstances, the Olympic Games are to be relocated to an alternative site.

Commenting today, Boris Johnson said that the original site will not be ready in time, so the Games are to be moved to what he at least considers to be the best available site.

' As we all know, the Royal Family had a superb time at Butlins Clacton at Christmas last year, and for us it was the obvious choice. It has everything we need to put on a fantastic show, plus all of the facilities required. Swimming will be held in the 'Hawaiian Heatwave' flume pool, and competitors will start the race by fluming into the pool instead of the usual starting blocks dive. Athletics will be held on the go-karting track, gymnastics will take place in the over 7's play park as they have a great set of monkey bars and rings already in place, and high jump will be held in Chalet number 11 which has a suitably bouncy double bed for a soft landing.'

The opening ceremony will now take place within the grounds of the Butlins site, though Mr. Johnson was somewhat concerned as to his planned involvement involving fireworks, a parachute jump and a dance routine:

' Well, it was always a little risky before, bur frankly I'm shitting bricks now. Apparently I will now be landing on one of the trampolines in the recreation park and bouncing over to join 'Diversity' on the constructed stage, but I am a little worried about the bounce factor of the trampoline, as I don't want to end up on Clacton beach with a donkey up my arse.'

When questioned about the seating arrangements for the event, Lord Coe of the London Olympics Organisers Committee said:

' Oh, that is not of any concern. We will be borrowing chairs from all of the chalets on site, and shipping in a number of beanbags from the local branches of Ikea and Argos.

Tax payers needn't worry about extra costs involved in this. They both have wicked sales on at the moment.'

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