Norfolk - A succession of Scottish Nationalist toy boys is lining up for a turn on the Sandringham shag pile according to reports.
Tradition dictates representatives of Scotland's fittest under-21s gets a go at pleasuring the Queen to celebrate universal haggis munching night.
"It's the Scots equivalent of the old Sassenach late night 'kebab' ritual, heheh," Major Hamish McKipper of the Black Watch Beetle Regiment commented, "sorry, that's a really offal, offal joke, what?"
Candidates are selected on a first come first served basis after rigorous performance tests similar to sperm donor clinics' top shelf mag and plastic beaker trials.
Later they are rewarded with a tot of the hard stuff - believed to be fermented beladonna from Sandringham's very own macrobiotic shebeen.
"There's no SNP plot to top Her Majesty," a Palace source made clear today.
"Besides, who would begrudge the Old Dear a little Bairns Night carnal comfort in her sunset years?"