Written by Ricardo Blue
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Topics: Derek Acorah

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Italian hairdresser and devout Roman Catholic Luigi Carbonara has been in hiding for the last 10 years after discovering the mark of the beast on Derek Acorah's bonce whilst giving the self proclaimed miracle god a short back and sides at his former barber shop in Chepstow.

Luigi who would not divulge his current address of 27 Flamstead Road, Becontree, Dagenham through fear of reprisal from the dark lord's followers said:

"I remember it as if it was yesterday. Derek came into the shop and asked if I could fit him in for a quick trim as he had a live show to do in the afternoon and his personal assistant who also doubles up as his hairdresser had been taken ill suddenly.

"Obviously I was over the moon at having a celebrity of Derek's status in my shop and was delighted to offer my services to him.

"Derek took his place in the chair and I set about my business in my usual jovial way, discussing the topics of the day and if Emile Heskey would ever score for England.

"I remember Mr Acorah becoming slightly agitated as I reached for my electric shaver which I use for finishing off the neck line which I find gives that professional touch. As I tackled the few remaining straggly hairs on his neck Derek sneezed causing his head to jaunt back and allowing the shaver which was on setting number 1 to glide up his head revealing the numbers 666 as clear as day on the back of his skull.

I apologised immediately to him and said there would be no charge for the cut as it had been an honour to have had him in the shop. This was met by a stare that turned my blood to ice. Thinking quickly I asked Derek if he would be so kind in having his photo taken for the shop and without waiting for a reply I said I would just fetch my camera from the back. I then climbed though the toilette window, had it on my toes and have been in hiding ever since."

Luigi who has no contact with his wife or 3 children since the incident continued "I've seen all the omen films and as a catholic I am very aware of chapter 13 in the book of revelations relating to the beast and the number six hundred and sixty six but bloody hell, you don't expect to find it on someone in your barber shop."

A spokesman for the Acorah stable last night commented "we are unaware of any such occurrence taking place and are unsure that Derek has ever been to Chepstow, although Derek was under a strong medication for an itchy scalp some years ago which could help explain the strange markings."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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