A local man is up in arms over news that Croatian voters have elected to join the European Union.
The country - a part of Yugoslavia from from end of the Great War until the civil conflicts of the 1990s - held a referendum on the issue, with 67 per cent of voters backing the move.
But the news has not been welcomed nearer to home.
Mr Alexander Graham Bell, 48, of Ladysmith Gardens, and no relation to the celebrated inventor of the telephone, told us: "Those bastards have made my life a bloody misery from the first day I went to school right up to now.
"They invented the ruddy tie, didn't they? If their bloody mercenaries hadn't impressed the poncey French with their neckwear during the 30 Years War, we probably wouldn't be forced to wear the uncomfortable piece of rag today.
"I hate them and I urge all men throughout the EU to oppose those bastards being allowed to join."