Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Hitler, testicles

Sunday, 22 January 2012

image for Furious Burnley War Hero Demands The Return Of Hitler's Long Lost Testicle
Not Content With Cutting Off The Fuhrer's Left Knacker, Jimmy Bacon Also Welded This Silly Hat To The Nazi Leader's H

Legendary Burnley war hero, Jimmy Bacon, of Accrington Road in the town, today demanded the return of Hitler's long lost testicle, claiming that he was the rightful owner, and that the council had no right slipping a local junkie a tenner, for the possession of said legendary lost testicle.

Mr Bacon claims that the legendary long lost left knacker of the one time Fuhrer had been inadvertently discarded as his dwelling was undergoing renovations, carried out by local property basher Terry Tuatt and Son.

Who inadvertently lobbed the bollock into a skip.

"I took that knacker off Hitler meself," claimed Bacon, who now works as a tactical advisor to the SAS (Which he apparently invented.) and the Pentagon in Washington DC. "I cut it off meself with me own pen knife. On a commando raid we was, back in 41, deep behind enemy lines. In Berchtesgaden, dahn in that there Bavaria. Our mission was to top the warmongering swine. We got into his castle okay, in the dead of night, crept up to his bedroom, and as I tried to snip his knackers off, Eva woke up and all hell let loose. I only managed to snip off the one bollock and the two sides of his moustache before we had to leg it back to the helicopter, as we wuz overwhelmed by his SS Guards. They give me a medal for that. But I still want that bollock back. I risked me life to get that."

However, local councillor, Fred Tater-Pye disputed Jimmy Bacon's version of events, saying that the legendary long lost left bollock of legend had been discarded in a skip, and that he was perfectly within his rights to give the finder - a local junkie - a tenner for it.

"I paid good brass for that bollock, and the glass jar it came in," he told reporters. "So far as I'm concerned, it's mine. That Jimmy Bacon can kiss me arse, and if he thinks he's getting that knacker back he's got another think coming. The twat."

Here at Skoob News, we tried to contact Jimmy Bacon for a response, but were told that he is currently abseiling down the Birj Khalifa in Dubai, on a mission to assassinate a Canadian diplomat.

Dressed all in black like a ninja milk-tray man.

Not bad for an 88 year old from Duke Bar.

Fair play to him.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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