The late and not much lamented German Reichs Chancellor's legendary missing testicle has reportedly been found in a Burnley skip.
Local skip-dipper, Justin Eclair, 29, a registered heroin addict, had been rummaging through a skip outside an under renovation property in Accrington Road when he found the long lost testicle.
Upon realising the significance of the discovery, Eclair's girlfriend, mother of six, herself a heroin addict, prostitute and frequent victim of domestic violence, Consuela Higginbottom, 17, fell into a dead faint and bashed her head on the pavement.
Justin Eclair rigorously denied allegations that he had punched his girlfriend of eight days in the face because she was annoying him.
Shortly after the discovery, a council official came and confiscated the pickled testicle, putting it on show for all to see at the town hall.
"It's a momentous occasion this is," said Councillor Fred Tater-Pye. "Eeh! All them songs from World War II about Hitler only having the one bollock - and it were here, i' Burnley all along! This'll put us on t' map all reet. Nah that Clarets has dropped aht o't Premiership. Tha can't keep a good town down. I sez thee can't keep a good town down!"
Former Etonian, Justin Eclair, told reporters:
"I were lookin' fer sommat as I could weigh in, dahn at Critchley's scrapyard, forra bit o' brass fort skag like. Tha nose. An' I found this pickled bollock in a glass jar, wi' a note from Heinrich Himmler saying please look after the Fuhrer's knacker, so that future generations can revere it, like. Anyroad - it all turned out reet i' th' end. Councillor Tater-Pye slipped us a brown un, so that were t' smack sorted, Consuela's not pressin' charges, and t' pubs are open! Sorted! Job done!"
Fair enough - it's all bollocks anyway.
More as we get it.