Written by Joe Leff
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Saturday, 21 January 2012

image for High Wycombe woman falls off Cloud Nine
Up there on Cloud Nine

A Buckinghamshire woman escaped serious injury yesterday after she came back down to earth from Cloud Nine.

37-year-old Irene Lovitt was enjoying a passionate session with her husband Errol on their garden trampoline when - vooommm - she was on Cloud Nine.

"It was lovely. It was like floating on a big cloud," she said afterwards. "I was a bit worried in case people on passing planes could see my bare arse. And I'd forgotten to tell Errol to put the dustbins out."

But after a while she was past caring. "It must have been all that altitude and ether and stuff."

"The next thing I knew I came down back to earth with a bang. Right on my arse at the other end of our garden. Errol must have heard me whooping and shouting, because he came a bit later. And then he brought me a cup of tea."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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