The Prime Minister said today he is determined to have Britain opt out from a new EU Health and Safety law passed in Brussels last week. As it reads, the new law would mean that as from the first day of April this year any person on his or her way out from a business premises (such as a shop or store) would have to give automatic right of way to any person about to enter the building - but only when that person has been approaching the entrance to the premises from the left.
"The problem I have with this" explained David Cameron during a Breakfast TV interview this morning, "is simply that I don't think it would work in Britain. In fact I believe it would cause more accidents and collisions than we have occurring in Britain right now.
"Don't misunderstand this, I want to make it absolutely clear to you and the few dozen people watching this interview on their televisions at home that I agree there is an urgent need to have some kind of rule of law brought in regarding right of way with regard to pedestrians. Only last week came the collision between two elderly women in Watford, one on her way out from a newsagents, the other on her way in. Each accused the other of being at fault. Fortunately they are both recovering following the plastic surgery to their faces, paid for by the NHS I might add. A pedestrian right of way rule is urgently needed, and frankly long overdue.
"The problem here is that this EU rule stipulates that right of way be given to pedestrians approaching from the left. That's fine for most member states because they drive on the right, so will also tend to walk along the right side of their pavements or pedestrian sidewalks. When a Frenchman walks out from a shop he will be at most risk of walking into a pedestrian approaching from his left.
"In Britain we don't drive on the right, we drive on the left. So people in Britain tend to do the same when walking along our pedestrian sidewalks - they tend to keep to the left when walking along them. When an Englishman exits a shop the immediate threat of collision comes from pedestrians approaching from his right. In order for this right of way rule to work in Britain it needs to allow us to adapt it so that we have to give right of way to pedestrians approaching from the right, not the left."
The Prime Minister was asked why we can't do that?
"It's that Sarkozy" he replied, "he's still sulking because of what happened a few weeks back. That Merkel woman as well. They are insisting we apply the rule as it stands.. But if we were to do that then British people are going to become confused. Walking on the right, driving on the left? How long would it be before someone confuses the two and starts driving the wrong way down one of our motorways? There'd be carnage, and more expense for our NHS.
"Sarkozy and Merkel say the simple solution is for Britain to follow the rest of Europe and start driving on the right. Nick Clegg agrees with them, but then that drip would.
"It would cost a fortune to change all the traffic lights and signs around. Money we need to give to Brazil towards the cost of having their carnivals and so on. In addition I'm also having to set aside a substantial amount of taxpayers money to pay for building this new dinghi the Queen so badly needs, not directly of course, but to ensure some lucrative government contracts find there way to those who are 'paying' to have this new boat thing built."