Written by MonkeyInTheBath
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Friday, 20 January 2012

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The UK government has today released shocking statistics that as many as 300,000 immigrants in Britain are claiming benefits, on top of the many millions of Britons who claim them.

For years, Britain has led the world in unemployment. The dole queue is a national institution, of which we are all proud. Once upon a time our young men and women were the workshy of the world.

But things have changed recently. Immigrants from Poland to Pakistan to Peru have begun muscling in on what has always been a British business. Unemployed monkey wrestler Jethro Crump was recently unable to visit his local Jobcentre because of the number of foreigners. He said, "They come over here, taking our giros. It's not right, is it?"

Because of the large numbers of migrants claiming benefits in the country, the UK is now running at a significant benefit trade deficit. That is, the amount of money paid in benefits in the UK is far greater than the amount of money received in benefits by Britons living abroad. If this continues then Britain could run out of money completely.

PM David Cameron was concerned. "We must redress the balance. We need to send more of our young unemployed overseas to claim benefits in other countries. That's the only way the UK economy can get back on track again."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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