Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 20 January 2012

image for Big cat sighting closes Oxford Street
Fangs for the publicity, guys...

London - Traffic remains diverted this morning between Park Lane and Portman Street as a crack team of London Zoo blow dart specialists attempts to tranquilise the mystery beast.

It follows last night's closure of Oxford Street amid reports of a 'Siberian Minx' prowling outside cougarland's WenchConnexion flagship store.

Police were called in following a series of frantic calls claiming a 'massive Russian pussy' was loose on the prowl after breaking out of an anonymous Mayfair residence.

"Probably some daftass oligarch's beloved pet," an RSPCA rapid response marksman told reporters on UK breakfast TV.

"They're smuggled in just as soon as they're weaned via Diplomatic Bag pouches and Eurostar freight; last year we caught one in a lorryload of figs bound for the Papal Pro Nonce-io's residence in the Isle of Dogs."

Police insist the public steers clear of the roaming big cat described by one eye witness as 'big as a bloodhound' and sporting an impressive rhinestone collar.

Latest sightings include reports of a rumpus in the Harley Street medical area's surgical waste incinerator plant where a daily collection of human liposuction lipids may have been disrupted by an unidentified creature.

Insanesbury's food hall remains open for business as usual.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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