Written by Joe Leff

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Thursday, 19 January 2012

Controversial proposals to reduce speeding by placing big metal frying pans on the roads in built-up areas have upset local residents in Chipping Norton.

Ministry of Transport officials said that speed bumps were no longer effective in curbing speeding drivers, many of whom were accelerating over them deliberately to wake up sleeping passengers.

"These big metal pans will be more noticeable - and certainly noisier than speed bumps when drivers run over them. The other advantage is that all the bits and pieces which fall off cars will drop straight in the pans, thereby keeping the streets tidier."

But local residents are outraged by these proposals. "Frying pans in the roads! Whatever next? As if we haven't had enough trouble with forks, zebras, cat's eyes, white lions, magic roundabouts, hungry metal meters, and bollards? It's bollocks!" said senior citizen Fred Greenman, a local lollipop man, as he limped away after stamping his own foot in anger.

One local entrepreneur, however, is in favour of the frying pans. Dai Version is thinking of opening a drive-thru pancake café.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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