The latest fad diet to streak across Britain is the Britain's Hottest Diet diet, which has left some dieters so emaciated that they qualify for NHS anorexia aid.
"This diet really works," said Anne Heemia housewife, who shed thirty kilos in three weeks. Thirty kilos is about five stone for those who don't do decimal.
Heemia has since gone on to front an ad campaign for Britain's Hottest diet.
"It's really easy," said Heemia. "To every single dish you add five super hot chilli peppers, available from Britain's Hottest Diet."
The chillies are a special variety of Habanero grown exclusively by Britain's Hottest Diet. With extra heat, they come in just shy of a million SHU on the Scoville Heat Units scale. This makes it virtually impossible to eat an entire meal without suffering third degree tongue burns.
"Additionally," said Heemia, enthusing about the new diet, "this amount of capsaicin in the diet doe amazing things to one's insides. It's like a detox diet. It clears you out completely. Everyday!"
With less going in and more coming out, health nutritionist, Gillian McKeith, is unsurprised by Britain's Hottest Diet's effects.
"I can see the mechanism for how it works," she said. "I wouldn't like to go on it for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I can't stand chillies. Secondly, I'm already skeletally thin, and if I lost weight, I'd probably faint."