Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 18 January 2012

image for John Lewis Delivery Service Leaves Local Man A Gibbering Wreck
Not a John Lewis van... but delivery men - wonderful!

A local man was recovering at home today after a top department store delivered a new washing machine.

Mr Pendulum Vase, 47, of Bective Avenue, was found collapsed on the living room floor about 4pm yesterday by his wife Primula.

She said: "We bought a new washing machine at John Lewis last week and arranged a delivery and connection service for Tuesday.

"We were worried that the complication of removing the dishwasher, then the old machine, connecting the new one and then reconnecting the dishwasher might be a problem, but the nice man in the store checked with the depot who said it would be all right.

"The only problem was that the delivery slot was between 2.30pm and 9pm. As far as I was concerned that was perfectly fine - I just wanted my new washer."

Mr Vase was not reassured, though. His wife added: "All week he kept muttering about being the last delivery on the run and then 'bloody obstreperous working men' refusing to do the job properly."

But the staff from the "never knowingly undersold" store were to prove Mr Vase's fears were unfounded.

Mrs Vase continued: "They rang at about 2.30 to say they were on the way and they actually arrived about 3 - just after Pendulum got home himself. Then they just got on with the job cheerfully without complaining - they wouldn't even accept a cup of tea.

"After they had gone and I'd tidied up the kitchen, I went in to the lounge and there he was, curled up like a foetus on the floor, just gibbering away about customer service.

"The doctor says he'll be fiine, but I don't think he'll be complaining about British delivery men again!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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