Written by Deafo
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Topics: Alcohol, Ireland, Sheep

Friday, 13 January 2012

Controversy abounds across the water after it was alleged an County Donegal man abused his affinity with 744 New Zealand sheep in a bid to set a new 8-hour sobriety world record for an Irishman.

Ivan Scott from Kilmacrennan, beat the world record by a full 8-hours when he shore 744 lambs in a blaze of clarity in New Zealand on Monday, with the previous 6 million record holders from the Emerald Isle calling for it to be scratched from the record books.

Dubliner, Patrick Faulk, was furious to hear that the record may still stand.

'Sure if you locked me away with 744 sheep you wouldn't see me for weeks,' he stressed to local reporters.

'Their tender touch, sure it would quickly suppress the endless longing for alcohol to be coursing through my veins, especially given the substance that would have been frequently pulsating through my man vein.'

'It doesn't sound right at all.'

Catherine Byrne, from Wexford, was conscious of not allowing the sheeps efforts to be in vain.

'You have to think about what those poor 744 sheep had to go through to ensure this record was broken.'

'To be in the presence of an Irish man for 8 hours can be challenging enough, but when he is desperate for alcohol, well anything can happen.'

U2 frontman Bono was anxious to express his concern for the well being of the sheep involved.

'You know sure god knows how many times he had sex with them.'

'Gives a whole new meaning to organ-ic, wouldn't you think.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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