Written by IainB
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Topics: Cars, Theft, Ass, Salford

Wednesday, 11 January 2012

image for Car Thefts on the up in Salford
RS Bandits beware, the police are coming

Thieves in Salford, near Manchester, have been targeting cars for the past few weeks, with police seeing a spike in automotive thefts. The thieves seem to be very particular about which cars they target.

"They've being taking only Ford RS Turbos," said detective in charge, Jane Huss. "Particularly smart RSs. We have nick named the gang the RS Bandits. We think these RS Bandits have some kind of kudos associated with breaking into a virgin RS. Street talk calls this RS About Face."

Ford have long produced an RS version of their cars, with the RS Escort the most popular.

"RS Escorts are very common in Salford," said Huss. "They are on virtually every street corner after the sun goes down."

Extra police patrols are being sent out to cover well known high crime areas that police analytics suggest are likely sites of RS thefts. These so called 'holes' in cover will be plugged.

"We are making sure our officers will be around to plug the RS holes as much as possible." said Huss. "Hopefully, we can catch the RS Bandits with their trousers down, so to speak. We hope to locate their RS hide and find as many RSs as we can. Some will have been sold on, though they're not worth much, some sold as an RS over tit for tat."

Some RS Turbos have been found burned out, invariably in the same places.

"The RSs on fire are always near a curry house, for some reason," said Huss. "If it's not fully burned, we always find the RS wiped down."

Police are naming the new initiative RS Nick.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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