The brand spanking new high speed rail link that will allow people in Manchester get to London in under an hour, even if they have to stop in Birmingham, has hit yet another snag.
Before a train even rolls along the rails, there are no trains.
"This isn't a problem," said Michael Barrymore, who has been asked to run the new service. "We have instigated a high speed bus replacement service."
The high speed bus replacement service will use the middle lane on the M6, which will be out of bounds to any other traffic.
"That took some negotiating, I'll tell you," said Barrymore. "Some alcholics group, the AA or something like that, kept raising objections to it, saying nobody would be able to get into the extra overtaking lane, whatever that is, if they didn't go through the middle lane. I said 'darling, just do what I do, stay in the fast lane until you need to get off'. That seems to have won the argument."
Standard buses are incapable of attaining the kinds of speeds necessary to reach London within a week of setting off, so special buses have been brought in from Germany that can attain the heady speed of eighty miles an hour.
"We'd liked to have used British buses," said Barrymore, "but they're frightful. Have you been on one? Hideous. I've never dared set foot on one. I might melt my pedicure."
Although not as rapid as the high speed rail link, the high speed bus replacement service is, at least, expected to run.
"Once the high speed rail link is up and not running," said Barrymore, "our service will be there to take people to London."