Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 10 January 2012

image for Scottish Nationalists to return Eurosquillions winners' £1 million cheque
SNP activists are bound to feel let down

Lard, Ayrshire - They famously scooped £161 million on the Lot and wowed Alex Salmond with their £1 million SNP bung.

Today Michelin Man lookalikes Colin and Chris Weird (sic) face the ignominy (WTF that? - 'Ed') of seeing their cheque returned.

Apparently the money was rearmarked - er...earmarked! - for schmoozing the Scots electorate to sever its 300 year old UK union.

But a spectacular U-turn by the SNP now sees that policy obsolete as Alex Salmond toys with accepting The Thistle - the Scottish equivalent of the Order of the Garter.

"A big shiny gong is on its way to Alex in the Queen's Diamond Jubilee honors," a Holyrood Palace spokesperson said this afternoon.

It comes with the style and title of a splendiferous 'Sir' and a fancy dress costume to make Downton Abbey fans weep.

The April 1st Holyrood investiture will see Sir Alex rub shoulders with the chivalric order's top knobs including Sir Hamish McSporran, the Queen's foremost Haggis-in-Waiting and Sir Nessie McHumbug, comptroller of the Royal Scottish Purse.

The gong's rumored £500,000 yearly annuity is the very stuff of legend according to North Sea oil and gas sources which fund the Thistle's gravy train handouts.

Meanwhile in Lard - er...Largs! - the Ayrshire lottery winners remain sanguine about the SNP's tragic and sudden volte face.

A planned second stab at Scottish independence could still come if Salmond is deposed.

Bankrolling that particular leadership campaign could be next on the list.

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