Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 8 January 2012

image for Money for old rope as Kate and Wills cash in on War Horse premiere
Mutton dressed as lamb as impostor Kate wows the paying guests

London - Ten grand a ticket to hobnob with the dreadful faux royals at a lavish post-premiere bash has been slammed as a disgusting lapse of taste.

The dosh is being paid into a slush fund called the Foundation of Prince William and Prince Harry that's been constructed on the same shadowy lines as Tony Blair's WindBush Ventures money laundering scam.

Tonight Kate and William were accused of cynical opportunism in a move to buy credibility via support for a soldiers' charity.

"Someone's got to pay for high maintenance Kate," advisers have commented noting her exorbitant beauty routine is financed as legit 'appearance fee' costs for gracing the Spielberg movie tonight.

Tomorrow would have been Kate Middleton's 30th birthday - had she not been supplanted by the feckless, hair-tossing impersonator, a daughter of Cherie Blair and some Z-lister Italian.

The UK media is insisting on suspending reality with its 'quiet, sober and private birthday celebrations' storylines - while omitting to mention tonight's lavish shindig.

The Old Queen Mum must be rocking in her grave.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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