London - Documents seen by the usual sources show Little Miss Bigamist's bride price matches the mystery £8 million 'admin fees' charged by Tony Blair's WindBush Ventures Corp.
The dosh was demanded by Queen Elizabeth when she found out Kate Middleton is Cherry Bush's daughter.
A sordid pre-1980 liaison with a shadowy Italian tosspot saw Cherie shag her way to fertilty glory, spawning the tramp now wedded to 'Wills'.
Kate's previous, non-divorced nuptials to Chancellor George Osborne was airbrushed away by UK red tops as a trifling bit of hystery despite the birth of the couple's firstborn.
This weekend the media is demanding where Blair's £8 million 'earnings' went amid disclosure they were 'legit, deductible admin costs'.
Someone at the UK's Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency said this afternoon the majority of the bung found its way into William's private coffers on account of his Tony Blair/JK Rowling parentage.
Police now reckon the real William and his brother Harry are buried 'somewhere in Highgrove' in landmark a collaboration with prince Charles.
And evidence from a London nightclub The Brown Envelope wineglass is unequivocal that 'Harry' is 'Kate's' DNA brother - spawned by the same P2 Lodge gangsta as feckless Kate.
"Gawd knows who Harry's real mum must be," a Sunday Smearer hack complained tonight.
Answers on the back of a postage stamp, please.