Written by Joe Leff

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Friday, 6 January 2012

image for Woman accused of fart attack
fumigators at work

A 56-year-old woman allegedly caused £10,000 worth of damage in the Tate Gallery of Modern Art.

She ruined an Andy Warhol painting valued at around £10m by pointing her bare arse at it and letting rip with a series of thunderous and vicious farts.

Onlookers were bemused initially, thinking it was another live artistic stunt. But when the woman hung from one of the chandeliers and blasted their hairdos, the gasping art-lovers ran for their lives.
Several valuable statues had dropped to their knees, and other items were left partially disintegrated in the acrid fumes.

The Gallery Curator called in the Rapid Response Stench Squad. Wearing heavy-duty gas masks, they captured the heavily-flatulent woman.

"I blame it all on Heinz beans," she protested, pointing to what was left of Warhol's masterpiece.

The Curator quickly corrected her. "That was actually Warhol's painting of a tin of 'Campbell's Tomato Soup'."

"Yeah - whatever," snarled the woman, trying to squeeze another one out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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