Written by Backandtotheleft
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Thursday, 5 January 2012

The Government announced that strange new powers were to be granted to Job Centre staff. As well as teaching them advanced telepathy, speed wanking to Facebook profiles they will be given the ability to order people to work for free before they are able to claim their benefits. Back And To The Left News believe that although this is probably a well thought out and considered idea it is also a massive pile of horse shit.

The scheme is designed to get the workshy back into the swing of work. In our opinion the best way to do this is to give them an actual job but the government knows better than most.

Job Centre staff will now have the power to command people to go and do unpaid jobs like "Painting MPs houses" "Disposing of dead hookers" and "bare-knuckle boxing" for the centres amusement.

Up to 50% of the people asked to undertake these unpaid tasks refused. The question Back And To The Left news asks you is: Would you go into work tomorrow and for the next four weeks if your boss told you there would be no way in hell you would be getting paid? No of course you wouldn't and your boss will have been lucky not to get stabbed in the eye with a ball point pen for even suggesting something so stupid.

However people should be encouraged to work and if there is unpaid work available why don't they just turn it into paid work and then give someone a job?

Simon Smirk MP for Holderness and Skye defended the proposals "This is not an attack on the working class...because their not working! Now move out of my way I have a homeless hunt to attend." As he pushed past this reporter we caught the faint whiff of money something we haven't seen since the ConDems took power. The search continues for a competent politician

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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