Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 3 January 2012

image for Power cut in Dorking leaves thousands suffering
The car park and library at the small Surrey town of Dorking when it was lit

During the heavy winds that battered the British Isles a fallen tree fell on the main power line that transfers power to the small Surrey town of Dorking cutting the small Surrey town of Dorking off from the power grid and leaving the small Surrey town of Dorking without power.

"It was a disaster almost on the scale of Fukishima," said local Dorking resident, Alistair Landing. "It happened in the evening, and that's when we use the dishwasher. We waited and waited expecting the lights to come back on, but they didn't. We ended up leaving the dishes."

Fortunately, the Landings had candles.

"Unfortunately," said Landing, "we had no matches. In a way this was lucky as we'd not bought the candles to light in the event of a blackout. Can you say that in this day and age? Anyway, in this power cut, I don't think I would want to use the candles. They're decorative."

With no power, the people of the small Surrey town of Dorking were bereft of basic human needs.

"We had no central heating, no television and no internet," said Landing. "No internet! This meant we were completely unable to order candles on the Waitrose website. It was like being in the dark ages. Literally!"

Feral packs of the middle aged roamed the streets, bemoaning their lot, until the bad weather drove them back indoors, where they bemoaned in private.

"We will have the power back on in the small Surrey town of Dorking by early morning," said Muhinda Sawalla, manager of the call centre for European Electric.

"That's good news," said Landing. "The dishwasher will kick in then."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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