Surgeons called yesterday for a national register of underpants, with mandatory reporting of cases of rupture or slackness. This would help to identify really faulty underwear that might pose health risks to resident occupants, as well as other bus passengers and even passers-by in the street.
Wearers should also be issued with an 'underpants passport', recording details of purchase, manufacture and guarantee. The passport should be regularly updated with the number of days the garment has been worn before being laundered.
The Department of Health also recommends the use of high-strength wash powder in multi-cycle washing machines.
A Senior Private Hygiene Surgeon called for the removal of all dodgy and offending underpants, especially those not reinforced with industrial-grade deodorants.