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Sunday, 1 January 2012

image for David Cameron issues call for three days of official mourning following Pat Butcher's death
A deserted BBC following the death of Pat Butcher

As the nation mourns the passing of Pat Butcher in EastEnders, Prime Minster David Cameron has decided that there will now be three days of official mourning.

Speaking from the balcony of No 10 Downing Street, an injured Prime Minister (who fell out of the open window because No 10 doesn't in fact have a balcony) said that the passing of one of the nation's most loved earring and purple lipstick purchasers should be marked with respect.

Mr Cameron went on to say that if North Korea can hold four weeks of official morning for their recently deceased leader Kim Pol Pot Ill, it was only fitting that the UK mourn the passing of one of its most culturally important icons of the 19th, 20th and 21st Centuries.

He went on to say that the programme itself acknowledged its importance culturally, as Pat herself has always said "It's her 'art" that was the problem, and if sheep-stuffer Damian Hirst and (c)rapper Tracy Eminem were artists, it's only right that the country similarly marked the passing of someone who worried so much about her 'art.

He encouraged the public to purchase and wear cheap, purple lipstick from Boots and nasty earrings from Claire's as a mark of respect.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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