Those parts of the population that maintained their existence when young on the famous Mars Bar - one a day helped us work, rest and play - are always grateful for the chocolate. However now dentists have warned that teeth are dropping out so frequently, due to the dreaded Mars that mouths are becoming devoid of real teeth. Those who keep their teeth suffer from continual toothache.
Now a lobby has been formed to protect us all from Mars Bars as it has been found that they are leaking into the throats and intestines of unsuspecting youths. The Archbishop of Canterbury has announced that it is 'tough on the young to have bursting Mars Bars in their stomachs' but the Government is standing firm against taking on the Mars industry.
Health Minister Andrew Lansley said he didn't see why the NHS should step into the Mars Bar controversy.
Meanwhile a probing Mars Bar from space is disintegrationg and could land anywhere on earth. Addicts have placed themselves at likely places ready for the Bars to descend with their mouths wide open, hoping for a free meal, such is their addiction.
Disaster has hit West Ham United whose players regularly devour Mars Bars - thus explaining their bad form recently. Sam Allardyce, the West Ham Manager, who has been trying to draw several referees attention to the outrage said today that so many of his side were on the injury list that his future was at stake.