Written by IainB

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Saturday, 31 December 2011

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Will and Bill on New Year's Eve (no, we don't know why Bill is naked)

Two long standing friends have come to blows between Christmas and New Year after an escalation in children's Christmas presents, resulting in two arrests and a trip to Accident and Emergency.

"It was okay until a couple of Christmases ago," said William Speares. "My friend Bill Shakes bought our Amy this piano toy thing. She loved it."

According to Speares his daughter played with the piano solidly for six months until the batteries were ripped out.

"I bought his son a drum kit for his birthday," said Speares. "It wasn't revenge or anything. His son, Jonathan, really likes drums."

Bill Shakes remembers the drum kit differently.

"Me and Will go back a long time," said Shakes. "That drum kit was out and out revenge, so I bought Amy a singing Elmo. It was really annoying. I mean hair tearing annoyance."

Will has fond memories of the Elmo.

"I ripped it's speaker out with a garden fork," said Speares. "Then I went out and bought Jonathan a trumpet. That was revenge."

The presents kept escalating, until the pair met up on New Year's Eve and got to talking about the presents.

"It wasn't so much talking," said Speare's wife, Britney, "more shouting and punches being thrown really."

Neighbours called the police, who were not best pleased to be called out on New Year's Eve over a domestic dispute and took Will back to the station to cool off in a cell, and Bill to Accident and Emergency to have an electric guitar removed from his anus.

"It wasn't the best New Year's Eve party," said Will after his release. "But it ranks right up there."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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