Written by IainB
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Friday, 30 December 2011

image for Dorking to get an international airport?
Architects drawing of Dorking Library after it's conversion into Terminal Seven

The small Surrey town of Dorking is to get London's fifth international airport.

Although officially part of Gatwick, the Dorking airport will have all its own facilities, including duty free and a Tie Rack.

"This extension to Gatwick will create much needed jobs in the Dorking area," said Transport Minister, Norman Baker. "London has the busiest airspace in the world, and as such we need this extra space to relieve the burden."

With it's proximity to London, Bryanair have applied to use this airport as it's Parisian airport.

"We don't want this airport," said Mayoress of Dorking, Dora King of the Kings of King Street in Dorking. "There are plenty of jobs in Dorking. We have the library, the car park, the mobile library and the overflow car park. If you need more then we have a TarBux coffee place and a Tote shop, they sell bags I think."

The residents of Dorking are ambivalent towards the proposed airport.

"To be honest," said Jack Tupp, who runs the auto-garage on Acres Street, "I don't care one way or the other. I'm deaf as a door post."

Gordon Corden of the airline union of pilots (A-UP) is quite pleased at the choice of location for the new airport.

"It's brilliant for two reasons," said Corden. "Firstly, the main street is nice and wide, and we could easily land on it as it stands. Maybe taking out a few lampposts and postboxes and stuff. Secondly, they're going to flatten that stupid library, and the librarian there once dumped me for an E M Forster novel."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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