Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Friday, 30 December 2011

image for Auld Lang Syne Lyrics A Mystery
Oh shut up!

Most Britons make up the lyrics to the traditional New Year ditty Auld Lang Syne a survey has discovered.

Researchers discovered that 37 per cent of us don't know any of the words to the song, written by Robert Burns in 1788.

Most of the adults polled said they would mime or make up lyrics and almost 85 per cent they had no idea what it was about. Ten per cent thought the song was written by Paul McCartney or Elvis Presley.

"Of course no-one understands it," said EIF News & Features music editor. "It's a bloody dire jock dirge that they wheel out every 31st of December because the Sweaties are reckoned to be great at celebrating new year.

"It gets right up my nose, I don't mind telling you. What the hell is Auld Lang Syne? Speak English, for crying out loud!

"Mind you, I don't mind taking a cup of kindness if it's offered - a nice Glen Morangie will do very nicely, thank you."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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