Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 29 December 2011

image for Woman claims 'alien autopsy' studio offered her free breast implant removal
Barking pensioner Vera Scraggs says some people's nipples have turned green from the dodgy implants

London - "Well, it's a lot closer to the Isle of Dogs than bloomin' Venezuela," was an octogenarian London pensioner's explanation in accepting the free, radical op.

Today the offer from a London film studio where the infamous 1995 'alien autopsy' hoax was filmed was welcomed by Barking resident Mrs Vera Scraggs.

She has described how a prefrontal cortex microchip designed to stimulate the growth of bigger breasts 'had ballooned out of all proportion'.

"All I ever wanted was a decent pair, around the 34C mark," the 84 year old commented, "but what I ended up with was an over-inflated pair of drooping saddlebags.

"What's more, my husband's right fed up about what he calls my deflated 'Hindenburgs' coming between us and our usual love life."

Scraggs' alien technology implant was designed to prevent gravity and old age doing their worst in the aftermath of a 1980s scare about dodgy silicone breast stuffing.

Medical trials in North London saw thousands of flat chested women queue outside the secret experimental clinic for the ten minute op to implant a laser-guided microchip insert.

Now all those bosom boosters must come out amid worldwide scare stories about toxic leakages and nipples suddenly turning green for no apparent reason.

Scraggs' medical procedure will take place on Friday and she hopes to post the results on her Farcebook page "just as soon as I'm decent, like".

Ray Santilli is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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