Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 27 December 2011

image for Turkey Arse Sales Soar In Cash-Strapped Britain
My Arse!

The British Butchers Co-operative (BBC) today announced that this year has seen a record breaking increase in the sale of turkey arses.

The turkey arse fell out of favour when WWII rationing ended in the 1950s, when most meat vendors flogged them off to pet food manufacturers, but in the austere economic climate of 2012, they've made a startling comeback.

The sudden surge in popularity appears to have been brought about by single people, and one parent families, who either can't afford a complete turkey, or can't manage to eat a whole one.

The BBC describe turkey arses as 'nutritious, although not very big on flavour,' but this unflattering description has deterred customers not a jot.

Dorking butcher, Harry Harris told reporters that he was selling turkey arses as fast as he could churn them out.

"I've got a lot of customers who are either pensioners, singles, or unwed mothers," he said. "Turkey arses are perfect festive fare. They're ideal when roasted as a meal for one, and a dozen of them will feed a single mum and up to nine little ones. They're excellent value for money, and quite nutritious, even if they do taste vaguely like turkey shit."

Dorking divorcee, Donna Mbangwe, an unwed mother of twelve said:

"I don't know how we'd have got through Christmas without turkey arses. They might taste a bit crap, but they're dirt cheap and the kids love 'em."

This new found taste for turkey arses appears to have started an arse feeding frenzy, with wholesalers reporting countless requests for alternative, rather more exotic arses, such as ostrich arses, kangaroo arses, hippo arses, sea bass arses, and bulls bollocks. Which, strictly speaking aren't really arses at all, but bollocks. But they're quite popular as well, apparently.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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