A shock report has announced today that research has shown that there are now more Pandas than thin people in Edinburgh. As Tian Tian the panda eats her panda cake in her enclosure at Edinburgh Zoo on Christmas Day academics have made it clear that thin people are now almost extinct in Scotland; with those a particularly at risk living in Edinburgh.
Professor Rabb C. Nesbitt said today, "Well, my theory is that the fat bastards have eaten all the pies. It's a process of natural selection; social Darwinism if you will. Do ya get me?"
Edinburgh Zoo is now one of only thirteen zoos in the world with pandas. As there are no thin people in captivity in Scotland the species of 'Jockus thinus' is expected to become extent within two years.
David Attenborough said, "for this reading we must send a breeding pair to Bejing".