Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 24 December 2011

image for Aaaargh! Bloody dead rodent in Queen's Heston Blumenthal Orange Xmas Pudding shock horror
Marinaded in mix of Warferin, garam masala and half a quart of creme de menthe

Norfolk - The discovery of a partially boned, defurred and lightly marinated rat inside the Christmas dessert has stunned the Queen.

The anonymouse-ly executed prank is the latest of HM's Yuletide mishaps which started last night when Phil the Greek 'pulled a sickie' to get out of the annual family shindig this weekend.

Thoroughly pissed off at the obligatory spousal visit to check up on malingerer Phil at the Royal Freak Hospital's geriatric wing the Queen's secret nibble of some festive comfort food nearly brought the roof down at Sandringham House.

Flunkies later confirmed they'd battled for a full 30 seconds to retrieve a four inch rat tail from the Queen's throat as she began coughing and spluttering uncontrollably.

"Bloody Charles has gone too far this time," was the printable version of the Queen's reaction.

Apparently the Prince of Wales bought the bootleg pudding in an online auction site which promised 'the festive surprise of your life' to unsuspecting purchasers.

Last year his exploding Dodgy Originals Bread-N-Von-Battenberg Boxing Day fudge cake caused the collapse of Sandringham's Victorian plumbing system.

Princess Alexandra is still mostly comatose.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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