Written by Will Seal
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Saturday, 24 December 2011

image for Queen reveals truth about hubby
"I love killing them cheeky buggers"

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh and established racist, was recently admitted to hospital with complaints of chest-pains. Though at first it appears as a standard symptom for someone his age the Queen has revealed information that implies they may be caused by more than just his thousand-year lifespan.

"[Philip] was tired of hunting foxes," she told interviewer John Madeup, "He was looking for bigger sport, something that was a real challenge, you know what it's like right? Eh? Yeah you do! High Five!" Upon further elaboration she revealed that the Duke had spent 12 billion pounds of Britain's tax-payers' money, to build a large pyramid beneath the frozen wastelands of the Antarctic.

Upon further inquiry into this extravagant behemothic monument revealed that its purpose was for the housing of an "alien hive-mother" who would "spawn offspring" at the Duke's whim in order that he may "hunt them down before they forcibly insert their spawn into the chests of his hunt-fellows."

There are claims that the site was broken into in late 2004, where these creatures were accidentally released into the pyramid, but luckily reports say that the freed monstrosities were culled thanks to a pair of a different alien race and a woman whose silent resilience and quick-thinking saved the day.

Thus, can we be sure that his complaint is merely the result of the degradation of the old, or will a alien, politically-incorrect horror emerge from a newly-formed door between his nipples and start gorging on the population of Britain(at least the non-English population)?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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