Norfolk - The Duke of Edinburgh is about to snuff it and has been taken to the local crem in an austerity move bypassing the usual tedious formalities - like intensive care.
A spokesperson for the Happy Chappy Royal Toasting Company said tonight Philip was booked into one of their Regal Knob departure lounges.
"We'll be keeping him in all weekend as a precaution," crem director Sir Fossil Posset told reporters tonight.
The confinement means a bleak festive royal break according to UK red tops who have hailed Kate Middleton's 'extraordinary foresight' in vowing to change outfits at least five times on Christmas Day.
Outfits like the Cosa Nostra, Baader-Meinhof, Falun Gong, FARC, the Provisional IRS (sic) and Women's Wear N tear Daily.
"If Phil the Greek drops dead this weekend it could be the end of silly stick insect Kate," a Daily Smearer editorial advised its followers this evening.
Bookies have now slashed odds for a royal double whammy RIP with the Queen and her consort popping their clogs some time around 3pm on Sunday afternoon.
All the uneaten Sandringham grub will be sent to the Salvation Army and Prince Charles will go to jail.
Lady Antonia Fraser is pissed on Schnapps.