Written by Mudwizard
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Topics: breast implants

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Officials in the U.K. have issued an alert to women after it was discovered that some breast implants manufactured in France and sold in the UK are likely to explode on Christmas day, the Daily Express newspaper reported today. The implants were made with an unapproved silicone gel. "Unfortunately we now know that this gel has similar qualities to the explosive semtex. We thought it best to let everybody know the dangers; we had to get this off our chests", said an embarrassed manufacturer.

This could affect 45,000 British women who boast the breasts made in the now-closed French factory. AN NHS spokesman said, "The worse case scenario is that Essex will be totally flattened by Boxing Day".

Dr. Funn Baggs, Fox News Medical A-Team member and breast surgeon at Twin Peaks Medical Centre in New York City, told FoxyNews.com that although exploding semtex implants are rare, they can potentially be very dangerous. "If they are squeezed too hard there is a chance that they could detonate with devastating effects. Because Christmas day is, how can I put this, a 'high risk of squeeze day' due to over indulgence in alcohol and general holiday frivolity; we must take precautions", he went on to say, "we had an unfortunate incident in the back row of the Rex Cinema in Watford last week; sadly the projectionist was killed when he was fatally hit by a severed nipple. We need to keep abreast of this development and inform the public".

The French government banned the sale of the implants made by Polytit Prosthetics. Medical professionals have warned women to look for sign of imminent explosion. "If you get a tingling sensation in both breasts you must immediately call the bomb squad. It is very important that you do this urgently as the UXB lads will only have an hour to defuse them; this is a very delicate operation. An officer from the bomb disposal squad said, "Our lads have been trained to handle these sort of things".

Jordan was unavailable for comment.

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