Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 21 December 2011

image for 'Yule be sorry' hackers told as Winter Solstice big guns put on dazzling display
Dilemma as Satan says no room at the inn for red top hackers everywhere

London - Squirming worm-like red top hackers are on Winter Solstice high alert despite Tuesday's stellar TV performance by Piers Morgan.

Tomorrow's 5.30am solar ingress into Capricorn seize (sic) some stunning astrological aspects vying to flush out the KGB's preferred snooping organ.

"Yep, an ideal time for a massive dawn raid," the head of Met riot control chuckled confidently, "nothing like it for boosting morale in the ranks."

"Bah, Humbug!" was one hacker's retort as confidence in a series of spectacular espionage cover-ups remains at an all time high.

However, this year's Solstice is flanked by a brilliant Sun trine Jupiter around 2.30pm that holds promise of 'something massive'.

The aspect then jostles for pole position against an earth shattering Sun square Uranus midway through TV's 10pm news bulletin.

"It could be bad for zodiac-themed tabloids like The Star, The Sun and their Smoke N Mirrors counterpart," Spoof skywatch sources commented today, "and don't forget Sky, the parent that spawned these celestial organs."

Those highly charged astrological triggers come ahead of a Christmas Eve New Moon "which for once isn't eclipsed."

Then on Christmas Day the Great Benefic planet Jupiter turns to direct motion, sweeping aside millenia of, er, stuff.

Hellfire Club soothsayers are still comatose from Monday's moonshine party at the In And Out Club.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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