Written by Inchcock
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Topics: Crime, Santa, Nottingham

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

image for Santa Banned at Social Centre in Nottingham
Nottingham Identifit Photo of Santa

Officials at the Okoku Bantu Social Centre in Nottingham, have banned the traditional appearance of local Senior Citizen Willie Stroker this year.

The new Centre manager Abdul-Bazeer Adabayor, explained: "We think that the appearance of Santa Claus giving out free presents last year, may have contributed to the increase in muggings, and the riots in Nottingham this year. You see the citizens then expect to get something for free all the year, and the Job-centre Plus staff cannot provide this service."

We spoke some of the local residents and centre visitors, asking them what they thought of this, with the following answers given:

Tyron Shulaces (19) Drug dealer & local Councillor: "Yea, wanna mek summat on it?"

Will Robyer (23) Unemployed Security Guard & convicted rioter and mugger: "I reckon it's abart right, owt oh the blue like, this old git starts geeing us fings for nowt... worrayay expec'?"

Tess Tickler (32) Part-tome Prostitute and mother of eight: "We could do wi Santa cummin ev'ry day 'ere midduck!"

Marcus Absient (42) Redundant Police Officer: "Well there has been an increase in violent crime on the streets this year, that might be summat to do with the sgit-faced Cameron and his mob having just made 240 police personnel redundant in Nottingham?Santa has got nowt to do with it!

Ali Bye (22) Job Centre Employee: "Last year I got fourteen Santa's a job in Nottingham, this year only three. The reason for less Santas is 'cause four of um last year got mugged, two arrested for shopliftin, one for child molesting, and two done for being drunk in charge of a reindeer!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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