Written by shufflewick71
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Sunday, 18 December 2011

image for Charity campaign for Christmas 2011 launched: Save a Chav for Crimbo
Wayne Rooney, role model for poor chavs everywhere, said....well nothing actually.

Tulisa Contostavlos, X Factor judge and 'N'Dubz' singer (yeh right, Ed.) has today launched this years charity campaign, to run over the festive season.

'Save a Chav for Crimbo' was launched today in Essex nightclub 'Slappers', by Ms. Contostavlos, Cheryl Cole and Wayne Rooney, all expressing their support for 'needy chavs' through the medium of a set of ABC blocks and a 'Join the dots' letter book.

Ex-council estate resident, Ms. Cole said: 'Noothin' is more important than this campaign, man. How are poor chavs supposed to afford their fake Burberry caps, gold hoops and Adidas trackies with those Tory ponces mooking around with their benefits, man.

'To deny a chav their barbed wire tattoos and knock off Iphones is cruel beyong fookin' belief man, not to mention the fact they canna afford hair gel for their Croydon facelifts!

'We need to get our priorities reet here. Fook the NHS, chavs are the backbone of this coontry. Though ah moved oot of me estate many a year agoo, ah haven't forgotten me roots. I had Vidal Sassoon touch 'em up today actually. Golden brown with a hint of chestnoot'.

Tulisa added: 'We all need to do our bit for chavs everywhere. These are my peeps, man. As a kick start to the campaign, I have donated £100,000 of my 'X Factor' earnings which will be used to buy an 'Exchange and Mart' lorry filled with flatscreens and Ipods which will be parked on Wembley Way for the next month. Chavs will be able to access anything that falls off the back of it to help 'em out during this 'ard time of year.'

Wayne Rooney made no comment as he couldn't recall how to spell 'I' with the blocks.

The Campaign will run from today until New Years Day, and will be boosted by a star studded charity show at 'Slappers' on Tuesday, hosted by Jeremy Kyle, who was deemed the obvious choice, having done so much more to further the chav cause than anyone else.

To donate (preferably gold sovs and a 'MUM' bracelet), please call 0800 CHAVLINE.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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