Written by Joe Leff
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Saturday, 17 December 2011

image for Woman is jailed for microwaving mitten

A woman who microwaved a neighbour's kitten in a barbaric revenge attack was jailed last week.

Callous Hetty Hotten put the helpless 10-year-old mitten in the 770-watt oven and turned it full on.

The mitten's owner, Ivor Koldand, heard a strange noise and heavy melting as the mitten shrivelled into bits of charcoal crisps.

Mrs Hotten alleged that her neighbour had been annoying her for some time. "I gave him a cigarette the other day and he just set fire to it. I was furious," she said.

She claimed the mitten had come into her garden over the fence. "And this was the third time it had done this." She said she had put it into the microwave to dry out and teach it a lesson. "But when I saw Mr Koldand pulling faces at me, I just turned the heat up."

Police warned that mittens are in short supply these days, and harming mittens like this is a serious offence.

The Mitten Protection League is advising people to put oven gloves on their mittens whenever they go near ovens.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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