Christmas may be a time of mistletoe and wine, but it is also a time of coughs and sniffles, and it seems that the long winter months are being blamed for a sharp rise in cases of combined Yuppie/Man Flu (or YuMF for short). Practitioners describe the condition as a chronic wastrel disease said to afflict only the male of the species. Symptoms include: an aversion to housework, talking in a croaky voice, and generally behaving like a great big Jessie. Local man, Dwayne Dumbledore, is one such sufferer:
"I have to fight against prejudice about my condition on a daily basis. People are always saying, pull yourself together! or get off your fat, lazy, useless arse and put up the Christmas decorations, you malingering bar-steward! I mean, if you said that about someone who was black, or a woman, or disabled, or a gypsy, or gay, or a dog, or a Muslim, or a public sector worker, then there would be uproar, but because I am a sufferer of YuMF, people just think they can massively take this piss out of me! Especially my mates...and my wife." said Dwayne.
Shunning conventional medicine, Dwayne has instead opted for complementary therapies to help treat his condition. He is currently being prescribed a controversial extra-strength Homeopathic remedy, which is 1000000 times more dilute than other placebos. Many experts in the field have described this as 'playing with water' but Dwayne feels it's a price worth paying.
"I know the risks" said Dwayne "but it's just something I'm going to have to live with if it helps me to beat this debilitating condition."
Despite being a sufferer of YuMF, Dwayne is looking forward to this year's festivities.
"I'm hoping to do all the usual things like, shouting at the children, getting acute indigestion and saying Bah Humbug! if anyone suggests a game of Charades."