Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Art, Royal Academy

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

image for Royal Academy appoints Professor of Whoring
The artist behind this masterpiece shows a good grasp of the subject

London - A list of suitable tarts, slags, slappers and hos is being considered for the topnotch gravy train position.

The mystery appointee will be revealed later this week as RA officials confirmed the need for someone new to 'pimp its ass' in these troubled austerity times.

"Actually, it's quite an old position," Academy curator Sir Goya Whistler-Pollox said today, "and a number of previous incumbents have set the bar particularly high in this leg-spreading - er...fund raising! art form."

Top candidates for the job 'could be one of the junior royals expert in the dark arts' drawn from the endless list of little bastards spawned by HM the Impostor Queen.

Another possibility is promoting a tried and tested Establishment slag with little 'or preferably no' experience of the art world whatsoever.

That would widen the field to the legion of contemporary Brit 'artistes' already shagging above and beyond their actual pay scales.

"It's a great pity Diana's not around anymore," Whistler-Pollox added, er, wistfully.

"Still, plenty of daftass scribblers left in the field of culture whoring.

"Wanna see pix of the Old Queen Mum doodling 'F**k Orf' on a pair of Bertie's knickers?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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