The non-arrival of Nick Clegg at the House of Commons to sit beside David Cameron justifying his cock up over Europe has been explained.
'To begin with David has this problem, which makes sitting beside him difficult. He farts continuously' said Clegg, who we found hiding in a cupboard under the stairs at Madame Tussauds 'he is even worse when he is nervous and, I can tell you he is bloody nervous at the moment.'
Tory banckbenchers are dismissive of Clegg's excuse and ask what he was doing at Madame Tussauds.
Clegg told me he had good reason to be at the Lady's apartment as he wants to have a wax image of himself completed before he is torn to ribbons by Tories furious for what they term his 'snivelling behaviour'.
Asked how he can face a Cabinet meeting with David Cameron Clegg said the toilets at 10 Downing Street were perfumed so even if Cameron was in the next cabinet he couldn't smell him so much. Clegg is urgently arranging to have a 'nose job' done so he can no longer smell Cameron's foul odours.
Meanwhile he is expecting to meet Cameron somewhere outside, since he is now meeting people outside as befits a famous outsider who stinks.