Written by IainB
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Monday, 12 December 2011

image for The must have Christmas gift for women
All the Muttonbags had sold out before a picture could be taken, so this is a Porkbag

Department stores are stocking up on the latest must have Christmas gift for women as Christmas Eve approaches.

"Christmas Eve is the traditional day for men to buy their wives their presents," said Debbie Enams, Sales Director of a popular high street department store. "Our research into trends has revealed that the Muttonbag is going to be the best thing since toasted sliced bread dripping with butter."

The Muttonbag is the brainchild of Heston Blumenthal, more commonly known for his puddings involving mollusks.

"I've been using mutton in several of my ice-cream flavours," said Blumenthal. "Additionally, it's a basic ingredient in my porridge and other dishes. I'm quite often left with a lot of sheep when I've finished. I wondered what I could do with the leftovers, and this is when it hit me. I could make Muttonbag."

Muttonbag uses all of the sheep that Blumenthal doesn't use in his cooking. He was initially going to call it a lambbag, but this was inaccurate.

"It's a great bag," said Blumenthal. "It's very spacious, incredibly light and can keep soup warm for up to sixteen hours. It may be able to keep it warm longer, but I always wind up eating the soup, because it's so tasty. The Muttonbag is perfect for older women who dress younger."

Muttonbag is expected to retail for nineteen pounds ninety-nine, making it an ideal Christmas gift. When this is combined with how stylish the Muttonbag is, and how unimaginative husbands are, its must have Christmas gift status is assured.

"We have stockpiled thousands of these bags," said Enams. "I'm sure they'll all sell."

A random husband was stopped in Altrincham high street and asked his opinion.

"I'm not sure," said Ed Dupp, who wasn't Christmas shopping as it was not Christmas Eve, but was instead buying lunch. "It's very pretty and everything. I can't help thinking that because Blumenthal uses all of the sheep except the squeak, that this is nothing but a baa handbag."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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