Gerald Bladder, 57, of Dorking, was today found guilty of seventy-three counts of humbuggery, and two counts of poppycock in a public place. Judge Judith of Dorking Crown Court sentenced Bladder to three million years in prison, to be served simultaneously.
Unusually for a case of this nature, Bladder was also sentenced to death, and following Dorking by-laws, the method of execution will be "old age". Bladder will be free to go about his business while he is carrying out this sentence, but eventually it will kill him.
Bladder is not interested in appealing the decision. "Bah humbug!" he said.