The mobile phone hacking enquiry, currently being held by Lord Leveson in the bike sheds at News International, has found itself in dire straits, although in this case it's nothing to do with the rock group of the same name. However, "money for nothing and your chicks for free" does feature in the private lives of many of the attendees at the enquiry.
As evidence was being given by Dave Snot and Frank Bilge, former royal correspondents for the News of the World, when it was announced by the burke (sic) of the court that the local branch of popular stationers Rymans had run out of paper shredders.
Commenting on the situation, an important-looking man from Rymans, dressed in a tweed three piece suit, beard and glasses said that the last time this happened was way back in the last decade when RBS were sending the country into liquidation. He said that back then there was an unusual run on shredders from a member of staff from the Royal bank of Scotland offices across the road, all bought using a credit card with the name "Fred" on it.