Dublin is in uproar this week after the winner of the All Comers Irish Dancing competition was won by a penguin.
"Something has to be done," said losing semi-finalist, Sean O'Stere-O'Type. "To be sure."
Organisers of the traditional annual competition, that has been running for just over a year, have been searching the rulebook to see if there is anything that can disqualify the penguin.
"Unfortunately," said Siobhan O'Stere-O'Type, one of the judges, "it looks like my brother be out o'luck this year. To be sure."
It had never been envisaged that a rule excluding penguins would be needed, so one had never been included. Nor could the penguin be excluded on the grounds that he wasn't from Ireland, Northern Ireland, Europe or anywhere except England and Scotland; he was born in Dublin zoo, and was as Irish as a pint of Guinness. And looked like one.
"He was a good dancer," said Siobhan. "To be sure. Flawless execution of the art of Irish dancing. So he was. Arms, well wings, rigid by his side, feet flip-flapping around the on the floor like he was having a fit. So he did. He kept perfect rhythm to the drum, included a couple of spins, flips and splits, without ever once breaking a perpendicular body shape. Not one of the judges could mark him as anything less than a perfect ten out of ten penguin. Micky Flatley has nothing on him."
Sean O'Stere-O'Type is less than impressed.
"The prize money was five hundred Euros," he said. "So it was. I think he spent it all on fish. To be sure."
Sean may be in luck for the 2012 competition, as the penguin is already ten years old, and has a lifespan of fifteen years. He may well be too old for next year's competition.
The penguin was unavailable for comment, and does not have a name, apparently.